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Être en larmes

« Pleure : les larmes sont les pétales du cœur » (Paul Éluard)
 
« Il y a des mots qui pleurent et des larmes qui parlent » (Abraham Cowley)


Dans une période plutôt chargée, tant au niveau de la quantité de tâches à réaliser que de la qualité et la densité émotionnelle de certaines situations, je me retrouve à nouveau en face-à-face solitaire lors d’une de mes « mini-retraites » (quasi) mensuelles.
 
Une fois seul dans le train, je me sonde et tourne mes oreilles en direction de mon cœur et de mon âme : que se passe-t-il en moi ? quelles sont les émotions qui se font vives ? quelles sensations dans mon corps ? quels besoins ? quelles "en-vie(s)" ?
 
Et ce qui vient spontanément, c’est une envie de pleurer, de verser des larmes. Je ne ressens pas le besoin de le faire dans le train mais je sais que, à un moment ou à un autre lors de ces deux jours, mon cœur et mon âme s’épancheront.

Pourquoi ce besoin ? Je ne vois aucune raison objective, aucun deuil à vivre, aucune situation qui puisse me rendre triste actuellement. Mon besoin de comprendre n’en est que plus fort : j’aimerais y voir plus clair, que cela soit en moi ou chez les autres, notamment par rapport aux personnes que j’accompagne. Qui, tôt ou tard, finissent souvent par pleurer lors des entretiens.
 
En effet, je me souviens d’une phrase d’un ami (qui se reconnaîtra certainement) que le fait d’accompagner les autres était quelque chose d’ontologique chez moi et que j’étais né pour faire pleurer mes semblables. Je n’ai pas tout de suite saisi la profondeur de son affirmation mais force est de constater que la vie lui a donné raison : je passe mon temps, du moins professionnellement, à susciter cette réaction chez mes clients (à dire vrai, c’est le cas principalement pour mes clientes).
 
Si, la plupart du temps, la personne qui se trouve en face de moi s’excuse pour cette effusion incontrôlable, je me sens au contraire plein de joie et le partage parfois avec le/la coaché-e- : nous y sommes, le travail peut commencer ! Pourquoi cette contradiction, du moins en apparence, entre mon état émotionnel et celui de l’autre ?
 
 
« Les larmes sont à l’âme ce que le savon est au corps » (Proverbe juif)
 
« Dans toutes les larmes s’attarde un espoir » (Simone de Beauvoir)

 
Un premier point qui me vient à l’esprit, que cela soit en repensant à mes expériences personnelles ou professionnelles, est que de déposer les larmes équivaut à déposer les armes. Quelque chose cède en effet en nous : le barrage des émotions retenues, cachées, non dévoilées se craquèle progressivement pour que puisse se créer une faille à travers laquelle tout ou partie de l’eau emmagasinée se libère et coule, à flots souvent.
 
Les larmes nous libèrent du personnage que nous interprétons et du masque que nous portons et dont la fonction est d'entretenir l’illusion de solidité, de force et de performance. Comme si toute cette construction en partie factice se démantelait et laissait entrevoir notre vulnérabilité, notre fêlure intime. Nous permettant enfin d’être nous-mêmes : imparfaits, humains, humbles, sans fards et sans besoin de se blinder vis-à-vis des autres – et envers soi, ce qui a des conséquences parfois encore plus néfastes.
 
Dans un article précédent, j’évoquais la fable japonaise du samouraï qui, pour retrouver son âme ainsi que la clé pour ouvrir le paradis et l’enfer en lui, devait réapprendre à pleurer. Les larmes sont un signe de guérison : la guerrière et le guerrier que nous sommes toutes et tous se donne enfin la permission de ne plus devoir combattre, de ne plus devoir céder aux injonctions de perfection et d’apparence de notre égo, se donnant à soi-même et aux autres l’accès à son cœur, à ses émotions, et à son âme.
 
« Les larmes proviennent de la présence de l’infini dans l’être humain » (Lytta Basset)
 
« Les larmes nous lavent de notre passé et redonnent vie à notre âme » (Catherine Bensaïd)
 
Car nous sommes la plupart du temps coupés en deux : nous menons notre vie comme si notre âme et nos émotions n’existaient pas, confondant souvent vie et survie, l’important étant d’avoir et de « par-être » en couvrant les besoins de notre ego plutôt  que d’ « être » et de nourrir notre âme.
 


L’amour des mots m’a fait réaliser que le mot allemand utilisé pour définir les larmes (die Tränen) se prononce presque de la même manière que le verbe qui qualifie le fait de séparer (trennen). Paradoxalement, le fait de pleurer ne sépare pas mais permet une réunification de nos deux dimensions principales, du moins selon Jung : le Moi et le Soi.
 
L’âme, intermédiaire privilégiée entre ces deux mondes, peut s’exprimer par les larmes qui sont à la fois une marque de la tristesse qui nous habite (l’ego n’aime pas du tout être pris au dépourvu !) mais aussi de joie, d’espoir et de guérison : la part de nous qui a trop longtemps été ignorée voire bafouée se sent enfin reconnue et revendique le droit d’exister, de vivre. Qui n’a ainsi jamais vécu l’extraordinaire sentiment de soulagement et de paix intérieure après une crise de larmes ? Un monde souterrain, trop ignoré, est remonté à la surface, permettant de nous unir à nous-mêmes et de nous pacifier.
 
« Les larmes du passé fécondent l’avenir » (Alfred de Musset)
 
« Le temps que nous croyons gagner sur nos larmes, nous le perdons sur notre vie » (Catherine Bensaïd)
 
Après la reddition des (l)armes et la nécessaire réunification vient le temps de la réparation. Ce n’est en effet qu’après avoir fait la paix avec soi-même qu’un travail peut s’engager. Je le constate autant chez moi que chez les personnes que j’accompagne : tant que la prise de conscience d’une forme d’oubli de soi et, parfois, de violence vis-à-vis de soi n’a pas eu lieu, toutes les stratégies déployées pour sortir d’une problématique douloureuse restent stériles. Comme si le musicien disposait d’instruments de musique performants, mais se trouvait incapable d’entendre sa mélodie intérieure et, donc, celle extérieure.
 
Dans les accompagnements que je mène, les larmes versées sont donc une garantie d’un processus de guérison intérieure qui s’est enclenché. Je me garde cependant de toute jubilation précoce et de prévisions prophétiques douteuses : chacun reste l’expert de sa propre situation et le processus ainsi entamé appartient à la personne – et à la vie. Mon rôle consiste peut-être « simplement » à confronter la personne en toute bienveillance à ses contradictions et à ses dimensions cachées – qu’elle se dissimule autant à elle-même qu’aux autres – pour…la faire pleurer et lui permettre d’avancer sur son chemin intérieur et, par conséquent, extérieur.
 
Deux anecdotes à ce sujet :
 
Lorsque mon collègue et ami Patrick et moi-même avons lancé notre projet de coaching interne dans un établissement scolaire lausannois, nous avions tout prévu…sauf la quantité importante de mouchoirs que nos client-e-s allaient utiliser dans les premiers mois de notre aventure : ce qui nous a paru un détail s’est avéré avec le recul la preuve que notre offre couvrait un réel besoin et que nous avions sans doute permis à beaucoup de personnes, par notre seule présence dans un premier temps puis par notre accompagnement certes un peu maladroit au début, à commencer un processus de reconnaissance de soi essentiel.
 
Après avoir demandé un retour suite à une intervention autour du burn-out dans un établissement du chablais vaudois, j’ai reçu un message m’informant que « tout s’était bien passé même si dans mon atelier certaines personnes avaient pleuré ». Je me suis dit alors que le problème était loin d’être résolu dans cet établissement, la vulnérabilité et l’humanité n’étant reconnues qu’à la condition que les acteurs continuent à entretenir le mythe de la maîtrise et du contrôle : une maladie me semble-t-il encore trop répandue chez les enseignants – les « maîtres » d’école – qui ont souvent de très bonnes raisons de pleurer, étant aux avant postes des dysfonctionnements du système tant social que scolaire.
 
Après avoir écrit ces quelques lignes, je ne sais pas encore à quel moment mon âme et mon corps « ouvriront les vannes ». Alors que, avant mon burn-out, je retenais toute cette « sainte eau », je me réjouis aujourd’hui à la fois de pouvoir reconnaître sa présence légitime en moi et de la laisser surgir librement, secouant au passage tout mon corps et me laissant ensuite dans un profond sentiment de paix et de joie.
 
Je ne peux donc que vous encourager de pleurer quand le besoin se fait ressentir et sans aucune retenue ni culpabilité : c’est une preuve de plus que vous êtes vivant-e-s !
 
 
 
 

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