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Le voyage intérieur ou rester en lien avec son « dedans » pour mieux vivre son « dehors ».



L’homme est un livre. En lui toutes choses sont écrites mais les obscurités ne lui permettent pas de lire cette science à l’intérieur de lui-même. (Mawlana)
 
Donnez-moi la beauté de l'âme, que l'extérieur et l'intérieur soient en harmonie. (Socrate)
 
Notre devoir le plus impérieux est peut-être de ne jamais lâcher le fil de la Merveille. (Christiane Singer)
 
Rossinière, Hôtel de Ville, samedi 14 février, 14h00. Je découvre ma chambre : simple, chaleureuse, confortable, invitant au « cocooning » et à prendre soin de moi. Comme souvent au début de mes « mini-retraites », une bouffée d’anxiété et un sentiment que je connais bien m’envahissent : la peur de l’ennui. « Mais que vais-je bien pouvoir faire ? » me lance mon mental, toujours à la recherche d’un souci, d’un problème, d’un « os à ronger ». Au lieu de lui céder, je l’accueille et décide…de ne rien faire du tout, si ce n’est de méditer.
 
Assis sur ma chaise de bureau en bois clair, j’observe la position de mon corps ainsi que ma posture – alignement, tensions, raideurs ou détente – et glisse tranquillement vers ma respiration. Doucement, l’émotion qui tenaillait mon ventre et commençait gentiment à occuper mon esprit s’estompe pour s’envoler complètement.

Les nuages du mental se dissipent et laissent la place à une pensée claire et à une réponse qui l’est tout autant : il fait beau dehors et je vais savourer les caresses du soleil sur ma peau, laisser entrer la chaleur en moi et permettre à ma joie de rayonner vers l’extérieur.
 
Un peu plus de sept années après la rupture, je savoure aujourd’hui cette conscience des allers retours indispensables entre le dedans et le dehors, de l’existence de ces deux mondes qui à la fois cohabitent et nécessitent des approches différentes. Comme le soulève de manière pertinente Moussa Nabati (Comment guérir son enfant intérieur, Fayard, 2008, p. 207), « on nous a malheureusement trop appris, tout au long de notre enfance, à nous comporter vis-à-vis du dedans et du dehors exactement de la même manière et en utilisant les mêmes outils. »
 
Les mécanismes dont parle le thérapeute français d’origine iranienne sont de l’ordre de la survie : pour s’adapter, voire se sur-adapter, l’être humain fuit, lutte, combat, résiste, cherche à gagner, convaincre, dominer, (se) prouver. En agissant de la sorte, la personne se trouve dans un effort constant d’extériorisation et néglige une intériorité dont l’accès lui est pourtant possible en adoptant une logique de vie : l’écoute et l’accueil de soi, la détente, la patience, la décélération, le lâcher prise, l’humilité, se laisser porter par la vie et lui faire confiance.
 
Le Samouraï que j’étais il y a encore quelques années n’a pas eu la sagesse de faire la distinction entre ces deux réalités pourtant étroitement imbriquées et s’est lancé dans une course folle dont le but était la réussite sociale de ses personnages de « bon » formateur, de « bon » mari et père. Fort heureusement, mon corps et, donc, mon âme ont parlé pour moi et ont forcé le valeureux guerrier à s’arrêter et à se tourner vers sa vie intérieure, une réalité dont la complexité et l’étrangeté – curieux paradoxe, puisqu’elle est partie intégrante de notre être – peut expliquer la peur qu’inspire son étude.  
 
En effet, le fait de porter son attention aux paysages intérieurs nous dévoile une réalité plurielle. Pour le philosophe français Bertrand Vergely (Deviens qui tu es. Quand les sages grecs nous aident à vivre. Albin Michel, 2014), le voyage au centre de soi est un itinéraire dont les portes s’ouvrent successivement sur des espaces de plus en plus profonds.
 
La première étape de ce voyage nous emmène à la découverte de notre intimité psychologique dont l’enjeu principal est de permettre la distinction entre ce qui vient de mon « dedans » et ce qui est imposé du « dehors ». Ce sont nos émotions, nos motivations, nos envies. Qui pourtant n’existent vraiment que si on a le courage de pousser la deuxième porte qui nous laisse entrevoir notre inconscient et nos blessures d’enfance. Cette étape ne se vit pas seul, elle mérite d’être accompagnée par un-e psychothérapeute, au risque de s’y perdre et de ne plus retrouver le chemin de sortie.
 

Si ce deuxième monde est troublant, la troisième porte nous dévoile une réalité encore plus vertigineuse : notre intériorité spirituelle, dont l’essence même touche à la question du sens de la vie et de la mort. Pour l’avoir visitée et en garder un souvenir nostalgique qui m’habite souvent et me permet de rester en lien avec elle, cette réalité nécessite une mort symbolique, un abandon total de l’ego. Cette nouvelle conscience, cette « co-naissance », nous laisse entrevoir notre Paradis et notre Enfer intérieurs, notre immortalité et notre mortalité. Un éveil qui modifie radicalement notre vision de nous-mêmes, des autres et de la Vie.
 
Dans son ouvrage, La puissance du cœur (2009, la Table Ronde), Jacqueline Kelen tente de cerner cette troisième dimension. L’écrivain française distingue clairement l’intimité, psychologique et reliant de manière horizontale les êtres entre eux, de l’intériorité, spirituelle et dont le lien est éminemment vertical : « passer du stade psychologique au niveau spirituel, c’est passer du nombril au cœur ». Loin des tourments et des passions chers aux romantiques, le cœur désigne, pour l’auteure, le centre de l’être, sa conscience profonde et le « lieu de la connaissance transcendante ». Une destination qui peut déboucher sur l’Absolu qui « n'est pas le plus grand amour mais le plus grand retirement, autrement dit le Rien ». Un endroit habité par le silence, cette « musique de l’âme" (Catherine Bensaid) que nous nous devons d’écouter si nous ne voulons pas nous couper de ce qui est à la fois le plus intime en nous et qui nous appartient le moins.
 
Ce n’est pas sans émotion que je réalise, en écrivant cet article, à quel point le voyage entrepris a été long, douloureux, parsemé d’embûches – mes propres résistances – et, finalement, si riche en apprentissages et en moments vertigineux de joie aussi : pour le dire avec les mots de Gandhi, « le plus grand voyageur n'est pas celui qui a fait dix fois le tour du monde, mais celui qui a fait une seule fois le tour de lui-même. » Une Odyssée qui, pourtant, m’invite à l’humilité : mes ombres sont toujours présentes et peuvent, à tout moment, faire irruption et bousculer mes illusions.
 
Il y a cependant une dimension qui restera à jamais gravée dans mon âme, mon esprit et mon corps. Plus qu’un lieu identifiable ou une technique que l’on peut décrire avec précision, il s’agit plutôt d’une intention, d’un désir quasi artistique qui me permet de relier le dedans et le dehors, l’intériorité et l’intimité avec le monde extérieur.
 
Georges Haldas lui donnait le nom d’ « état de Poésie » : cette faculté d’être à l’écoute de « la musique que tout homme porte en soi » (Shakespeare) et de « chercher là-bas de quoi éclairer ici. » (Christian Bobin). Un pays, une couleur, une attitude, un geste : je ne saurais dire exactement en quoi consiste pour moi la poésie.

Ce que  je sais c’est qu’elle me permet de mettre de la lumière là où il y a des ombres ; des couleurs là où il y a grisaille ; du sens là où, apparemment, il en manque ; de l’amour quand tout porte à croire qu’il n’y en a pas ou plus ; de l’espoir quand tout semble perdu ; de la joie quand les larmes coulent, purificatrices.
 
Et ce Mystère, cette Merveille, je compte bien les prendre dans mes bagages pour la suite de mon pèlerinage. Pour vivre le plus souvent l’éternité qui est, comme le dit si bien Fatou Diome, « un bref instant, volé à la vacuité du quotidien, où, soudain, une intense beauté se concentre et s'ancre si profondément en nous que le temps à venir ne peut en éroder le souvenir. L'éternité, c'est cette pleine présence à soi et aux autres lors de ces moments inoubliables. » (Celles qui attendent, Flammarion, 2010).
 
À vous toutes et tous, je vous souhaite d’avoir le courage et l’audace de partir, si ce n’est pas déjà le cas, à la découverte de votre intimité et votre intériorité. Et, pourquoi pas, de vous faire accompagner pour y voir plus clair en laissant une personne extérieure jeter de la lumière sur votre intérieur. Afin de vous aider à avancer « dehors » tout restant en lien permanent avec votre « dedans ».
 
 
Et, à nouveau, un grand MERCI à Félix pour son oeil qui, même s'il s'en défend, fait preuve de poésie en allant chercher, à travers la photographie, dans le  "dehors" ce qui se cache souvent "dedans".
 
 
 

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